I can’t figure out why, but I feel quite anxious about the future in this moment. A slew of negative “what ifs” are running through my mind, mostly around my professional future and my financial future into old age. I keep finding myself slouched, as though I am trying to make physical space in my body to store the anxiety.
Instead, I straighten and stretch my body when I find myself slouching. I refocus on my present reality, which is stable, if not ideal. I force myself to breathe deeply and ground myself.
I will be okay. I will get through this fit of anxiety and feel bliss, again. I last felt it Thursday, jamming to live jazz and full of tender, BBQ pulled pork while enjoying the company of Ronni and T. It was more intense that contentment; it was a transcendental moment, something I don’t know when I last felt. I know at some point I will return to contentment, and I will eventually have another moment like that one.